Natasha Dedijer-Turner, M.Ed, Ed.S, NCC, LPC

Ms. Dedijer-Turner is a licensed professional counselor and a nationally certified counselor in Georgia, with over 10 years of experience. She currently serves as Clinical Director of the Forsyth County Child Advocacy Center. Natasha earned a Masters and a Specialist degree in mental health counseling in 1999 from the University of Florida where she was inducted into Psi Chi, the National Honor Society in Psychology, and Pi Lambda Theta, the International Honor Society in Education. She has extensive experience working with children and their families in residential, outpatient, juvenile justice, research, and forensic settings. Natasha has guest-lectured at American Intercontinental University and the University of Florida. She has published articles on child safety, child development and gender roles in various professional journals, magazines and online publications. Natasha presented at the Williams Syndrome Association Sixth International Professional Conference in 1994. She specializes in play therapy with young children and counseling child and adolescent victims of abuse.

A: In my work with sexually abused children I am repeatedly reminded of how ignorant children are about their own bodies. They often lack the vocabulary to communicate their experiences. Unfortunately, child molesters usually target younger children due to their inability to verbalize abuse. My clients know something “bad” has happened, but don’t have the words to verbalize it. Although most schools include a sexual abuse curriculum beginning as early as preschool, it is never too early to teach your child about their body. Not only is it is empowering for children to understand how their bodies work, but it is invaluable in helping us understand their experience and getting them help. If you are uncomfortable with teaching your daughter the technical terms, find a language you are both comfortable with and start a dialogue.

If you feel your daughter is too young to talk about sex, teach her that her private parts are just that- private. Explain that her body is her own and that no one has permission to touch it without her consent. Educate her on the difference between appropriate touches (like when her pediatrician gives her an exam) and inappropriate touches. We teach our children to obey adults and accept adult authority unconditionally- especially little girls. Give your daughter permission to say “no” and not obey grownups when they want to do something that makes her feel uncomfortable, frightened, nervous, or “funny”. Sex education is a personal decision only you and your family can make. But keep in mind that kids are curious and will fill in gaps in their knowledge base- with either correct or incorrect information. The important thing is to arm your child with knowledge and encourage an open and continuous conversation.

There is this misconception that only strangers molest children, what law enforcement officials call “stranger danger”. The reality is that most victims of child molestation are victimized at the hands of family members or friends. Therefore it is imperative that parents arm their children with the knowledge to either fend off their attackers or ask for help. There are many age-appropriate resources available for use in educating our children about body safety and sex without overwhelming their naive sensibilities. Please contact the Forsyth County Child Advocacy Center for a list of these resources at: 678-208-1908

Q: How do I get my son to mind me? I know he’s only eight years old, but he’s the boss of our family and I’m at the end of my rope. Help!

A: Why is an eight year-old child running your home? The answer probably is…because you let him. Children need structure in their lives, and despite outward appearances, they crave routine. When adults fail to provide appropriate structure, children attempt to make sense of their surroundings. Start off with simple limit-setting. Give your son choices, but limit them to options you can live with. Then encourage him to choose from these options. Establish natural and logical consequences. For example, if your son leaves his bike outside in the rain after repeated requests to garage it and it gets ruined-don’t replace it (natural consequence). If your child repeatedly oversleeps in the morning and rushes for the bus-don’t prepare him a “grand slam” breakfast and drive him to school. Give him some fruit and a cereal bar and send him off to the bus (logical consequence).

Catch your son making good choices and reward him. Reinforce positive behaviors. And most importantly, do what you say and say what you do. When you set limits with your kids, follow-through with them. If you don’t your actions communicate to your child that your words are meaningless. Follow-through. Every time. For example, if you set a limit prior to a shopping trip that if your son throws a temper tantrum you’ll go home- do it. I know you might not have time to get to the store later, but believe me if you don’t start now his misbehaviors will only increase. I’m not recommending that you treat your child like an adult, or that you don’t nurture and encourage him. But if you are consistent and logical in your discipline not only will you regain control of your home, but your child will be happier and empowered.